A Ritual for Healing Your Relationship with Anger

A Ritual for Your Consideration, For Healing Your Relationship with Anger

Anger is a valid emotion that provides us with valuable information, and can help light the fire we need to take a stand for ourselves or someone/something we love. Incredibly, anger can be a blessing in our lives and relationships… if we have a healthy relationship with it.

Unfortunately, most of us – and women in particular – struggle with shame and fear arising from feelings of anger because we’ve been indoctrinated to believe that is is “bad” or wrong. We often have no idea how to respond in a healthy way because we’ve never been taught how to feel and release our anger… we’ve only been told not to experience it in the first place.

So, begin healing your relationship with anger – if you sovereignly choose to – by engaging in some or all of the steps in this ritual. Trust your instincts and do exactly as many or as few steps as you are guided to; with love.

Part 1 – Fire

• Spend time reflecting on what you are angry about. Where and with whom do you hold resentment, judgement, dislike, hatred, fury, or disgust?
• Write down each one on a little piece of paper. Don’t hold back. Keep going until you have a good stack of them.
• Carry them around for a while. Keep them in various places in your house, car, whatever feels like another place to try out the storing of them. Live with them for a while. Add to them every time you think of something else to add. Tie them in a little string with a bow. Try not to leave them somewhere and forget about them – they should be babysat for a while.
• After some time has passed and you’re starting to feel ready to let go of them, tired of carrying them around, and depleted of anything else to add to them: build a fire.
• With the fire burning, say some simple words about releasing them, and try out the statement: thank you for ___ (taking them away/ relieving me of the burden I’m carrying/ eating up the things I carry anger about). Then you can toss them in the fire, one-by-one or all at once, and stay nearby to see that they get all burned up, safely.

Part 2 – Water

• Spend some time reflecting on the sensation of anger, and also reflect on ways that anger is likely to arise in the future. How will it feel when it does arise?
• Write notes about these reflections on biodegradable paper or on leaves with a soft marker.
• As soon as these reflections and notes feel complete, take the notes to a flowing river.
• Drop them in the river one by one, and as you do, feel what it will be like to let go when that sensation of anger arises, and to let go when that angering situation arises. Practice the feeling and act of letting go as you toss each one in the stream.
• Sometimes they get stuck on the edge of the stream or against a rock, for a moment or for a long time. This is natural, as it isn’t always easy to let go of anger immediately, and sometimes it needs to be felt and to linger a little while. Don’t worry about that.
• Thank the Water for helping wash away anger that will arise in the future so it does not get stored up inside you.

Part 3 – Earth/Air

• Set some intentions for how you WANT to respond, react, or feel when anger arises.
• Again, write little notes about these intentions on biodegradable paper or on leaves with a soft marker.
• Try to avoid intentions such as “I won’t feel angry” and instead aim for things like “I will notice it and take some deep breaths” or “I won’t yell at the person but rather will take some space until I am ready to respond”.
• If you are open to allowing me to make a couple contributions to this pile of notes, I would like you to add: “I am not afraid of my anger” and “I embrace my anger as an important part of me”.
• When this feels complete, think of these little notes as seeds. You can choose to bury them in the earth, or you can climb to a breezy place and release them into the wind – either or both.
• Thank the Earth and Wind for helping you to cultivate these intentions.